I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
