i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
