dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
