Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
