I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You took a bar mat shot.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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