Banned from zoo.
Again?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
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Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
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