worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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