My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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