I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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