he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I love having hate sex.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
