I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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