Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
