I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
