TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I got inside last night via doggy door
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
