my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
