"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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