you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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