this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
