you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
handjob tips. give me some.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
