The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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