do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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