oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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