ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
