you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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