i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
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was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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