You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
