Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Randomize
