# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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