If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
