My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
