I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
This house was built for laser tag.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize