I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
