If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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