i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
