Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize