i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
