So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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