Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He felt like a one man threesome
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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