if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
And then he peed in my hair
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