his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
