So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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