his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
