How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
