I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
