normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
