After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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