what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
