I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We need to get me chipped asap
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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