I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
