I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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