i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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