One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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