i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
