Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
