btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
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trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
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Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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