Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
