he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
