i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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