we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
