i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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