My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just cropdusted the office
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
