just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
