Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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