i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
