we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
