oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
