I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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