dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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