a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
