dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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