My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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