And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
