Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
