that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
