So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
