I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
MIDGETS
????
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
