This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
