i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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