The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize