im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
